He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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