Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
