I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
