The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
