Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
