new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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