when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
