Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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