I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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