Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
