Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
