last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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