ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
