how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
