Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize