Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
