new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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