How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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