There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
