It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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