imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
