STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
