We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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