My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
