We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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