I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
