do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
