life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
