Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
