If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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