Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
