my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Alive.
So much puke
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
