no, he came in my armpit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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