My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize