it was like eating out sand paper
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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