Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
