I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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