So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
