i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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