i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
