Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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