It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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