Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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