Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize