every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
