weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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