garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
