Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
