Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize