I hate your face
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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