Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
