Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
