Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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