so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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