There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
