It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize