I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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