He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize