I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Mom said you looked used
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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