We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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