i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
