Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The uberlube is also flammable
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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