She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
