dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
