I've blown a few things in my day
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
