I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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