Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
