Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
