I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
