Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
