OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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