so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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