Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
