That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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